September 2022
Past Months: April 2022 • May 2022 • June 2022 • July 2022 • August 2022
By Kevin Ahern
In the Middle Junk food additives Enhance the taste And also give you Toxic Waist Bottoms Up When plants have Happy Hours here They sit around And drink root beer
— Thursday, Sept. 1, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Big Bang Demolition experts I should mention Have a blast At their conventions Bridging the Gap Here’s a message Full of truth Dentures are Substitooths
— Friday, Sept. 2, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
On the Run A hacker escaped From police today The rumor was He went data way Spectrum Disorder When it comes to diet They’re great big cheaters Black holes’ thin-ness Comes from being light eaters
— Saturday, Sept. 3, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Feathered Filler When my breakfast I gave To two wrens at home I filled two birds With one scone Life Lesson I think a library Is a place that’s prime It’s where shhhh happens All the time
— Monday, Sept. 5, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Random Tweet Birds are better than us I guess At pursuing life, liberty And happy nests Bottoms Up A cheer was shouted At the tavern door “One tequila, two tequila” “Three tequila, floor”
— Tuesday, Sept. 6, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Hard Driver My computer ignorance Takes its toll When I can’t Esc I lose Ctrl No Yolk Single chicks In the pen Are madder than A wed hen
— Wednesday, Sept. 7, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Horse Sense The riding academy should listen And avoid the urge to scoff Cuz they’re gonna need a lawyer If their business is falling off Reincarbonation My buddy got a job at Coke He really is a whiz They hired him very quickly When he aced their pop quiz
— Thursday, Sept. 8, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Paper or Plastic? A paper bag Said to his wife “I’m glad we have” “A good sacks life” Stuck Up Here’s plant advice I’m glad to share Two cacti make A prickly pair
— Friday, Sept. 9, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Devil Food The worst dessert That you can bake Is what is known as A stomach cake Irrational Exuberance The Pi Piper is One of my friends I love his music It never ends
— Saturday, Sept. 10, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Meow Mix It’s apt their name Comes from their potty Those snobby cats Called litterati Meltdown It was a grill The doll fell to So it got cooked A Barbie Q
— Monday, Sept. 12, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Box Not Included The mattress store Never fail Is having another Spring sale Plugged In Electric cars Really rock Each with its own Sticker shock
— Tuesday, Sept. 13, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Happy Yapping A puppy howling To a vet appears The Hound of Music To her ears Weak Daze A hypnotist On each occasion Leads someone in A trance formation
— Wednesday, Sept. 14, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Bail Doubt The hackers escaped from The police over there I think it’s because They ransomware Talk Show I’m telling you With much conviction For some folks talking Is a diction
— Thursday, Sept. 15, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sheepish Christmas sweaters I love them scads Though I think we should call them Fleece Navidads Making a Splash The toppermost dolphin Of all dolphin groups Is well aware getting there Means jumping through hoops
— Friday, Sept. 16, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Give a Dime Take it from The old guy, Devin Change in the air Means pennies from heaven Extra Crunchy Octopuses Crave a dish Of peanut butter And jellyfish
— Saturday, Sept. 17, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Null Set A lesson I taught To the Domino’s guy Is that nothing can top A plain pizza pie Scrambled Plans I can’t retire I said to Peg Because somebody Poached my nest egg
— Monday, Sept. 19, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
“It’s Not Unusual” When you Misspell weird It is Wierd “And Don’t Come Back” The door closing contest In Amsterdam Concludes today With the grand slam
— Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Current Events If you shock me once Expect a good scolding Shock me twice? Revolting A Real Cut Up Tailors make A lot of dough Simply reaping What they sew
— Wednesday, Sept. 21, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Uplifting When the short dishwasher Started work, oh boy It was said she’d often Jump for Joy Eating Right Gluten avoiders As a troupe Are a large Wheat watchers group
— Thursday, Sept. 22, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
PSL Not So Well Autumn is the time of year For breaking out one’s sweaters But if friends obsess with pumpkin spice Send them season desist letters Autumn’s Up I’m making Halloween egg nog It only takes a minute Just like the stuff at Christmas, but It has more boos in it
— Friday, Sept. 23, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Birth of a Notion Between women and me I have to believe The difference is one I cannot conceive Blind Sided I really seem to be In an awful bind I need good Hide and Seek players But they’re very hard to find