By Kevin Ahern
OFF TRACK BETTING
His compulsive gambling
Is so out of whack
His girlfriend left
And he'll never win her back
— Wednesday, Jan. 1, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
GOING FOR THE OLD
In the Bronze Age Olympics
The available metal
Meant the very best athlete
Got the bronze medal
— Thursday, Jan. 2, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
DOLLAR SIGHINGS
A leading economist
Today advises
Inflation is
A prices crisis
— Friday, Jan. 3, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
THAT EMPTY FEELING
Two thousand dollars
A loss I hadn't planned
When my hand is in my pocket now
It doesn't feel two grand
— Saturday, Jan. 4, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
NEW AND IMPROVED
The holy water
Just created
Clearly was
Cross contaminated
— Tuesday, Jan. 7, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
HOW DAIRY
In a bathtub drowned in milk
The corpse was found — a chiller
Police reported they think it is
The work of a cereal killer
— Wednesday, Jan. 8, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
OF CORPSE
When the ancient elephant died and fell
The surroundings were a-shaking
And it was said that burying it
Was a mammoth undertaking
— Thursday, Jan. 9, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
PHILOSOPHICAL THOUGHT
If no one was there
To hear the Fall
Would it mean that autumn
Didn't happen at all?
— Friday, Jan. 10, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
LOW OVERHEAD
So I got this apartment really cheap
Four foot ceilings everywhere
It's really getting on my nerves, though
I can't stand living there
— Saturday, Jan. 11, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
QUICK REACTION
The reflexologist
Has to smirk
When he says he gets
A kick out of his work
— Tuesday, Jan. 14, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
SHAKE IT OFF
How come it is
The Irish Setter
Gets Friendlier
As it gets wetter?
— Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
MOVING UP
Are nights too long for you my dear?
Then be happy the solstice is here
Cuz now as each day passes by
The sun climbs higher in the sky
— Thursday, Jan. 16, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
LORD O' MIGHTY
When Paul McCartney
Saw his fee enlarge
He inquired about it
And learned it was a "Sir" charge
— Friday, Jan. 17, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
DOWN BLUNDER
My hopping pets I tried to toss
But it came back now, dang!
I didn't realize it was
A kangaroomerang
— Saturday, Jan. 18, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
OFF HAND REMARKS
I'm putting my sock puppets up for sale
Due to an absence of fans
The price is right — very cheap
Please take them off my hands
— Tuesday, Jan. 21, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
EVERYONE SAYS
When people are good at something
They tell everyone in view
But when people are great at something
The reverse is true
— Wednesday, Jan. 22, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
OVER DRAWN
In regards to the family sketch
I don't think I can do it
I know it may seem very odd
But I don't want to be drawn into it
— Thursday, Jan. 23, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
TO SEE OR NOT TO SEE
If you're blinded by love
It may be a surprise
That marriage will certainly
Open your eyes
— Friday, Jan. 24, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
RETURN TO SENDER
Life gave him lemons
So to get on track
He just went
And gave them back
— Saturday, Jan. 25, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
LOOKING BACK
The surest sign
Of getting old
Is when the past looks better
Than the future, I'm told
— Tuesday, Jan. 28, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
ANSWER THAT
Down at the Tinnitus Hotline
The workers' hands are wringing
Due to the fact that their telephones
Never stop ringing
— Wednesday, Jan. 29, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
LAY OFFS
When it comes to unemployment
May I kindly suggest
It would help if it worked
Its way through Congress
— Thursday, Jan. 30, 2025
By Kevin Ahern
BABY TALK
Its foot into its mouth gets put
At a baby's earliest ages
And this continue very good
Through all the talking stages