By Kevin Ahern
Horn Guy Herbie the Love Bug’s gotten old A bunch of rusting chrome He lives with other Beetles now Down at the old Volks home Winning the Lottery A nose has entered the raffle Cuz something inside just “clicked” He saw that by buying tickets There was a good chance he’d be picked
— Thursday, Dec. 1, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Saw To It My carpentry exam Through it I sailed it In fact, I feel I really nailed it For Goodness Cakes Cookbook poets Are quite diverse And they all write For batter or verse
— Friday, Dec. 2, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Down on the Ground Backpacking, you say? No way, here's why It’s better to let Sleeping bags lie Dashing Samuel Morse Was glad he got her So it’s true to say He loved his dotter
— Saturday, Dec. 3, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
A Brine of the Times I got in a pickle the other day And had a conniption fit My wife said it didn’t matter much And told me to dill with it Kiss of Life OK, here’s the latest On the insect situation After it hit the porch light It got moth to moth resuscitation
— Monday, Dec. 5, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Cleaning Up The Millennium Falcon’s clean up crew Makes traveling much nicer I hear their work’s accomplished with A good Han sanitizer Life Story So many things I need to do And it just seems to me That my to-do list really is An “ought-to” biography
— Tuesday, Dec. 6, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
The Price Ain’t Right To the auction they went With keen intent But ended with Bidder disappointment Instru Mental The musician went And broke a rule Pulling strings To pass harp school
— Wednesday, Dec. 7, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Firebrand “How do I light my stove?” Was the first of my dispatches When I asked the question on Google I got 50,000 matches Using a Pun Name A bookcase wrote a book one day It brought her lots of wealth The title that she gave to it? “My Mother, My Shelf”
— Thursday, Dec. 8, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Jay Pegged It The graphic designers’ argument Left both of them quite miffed They are not speaking anymore It was a major Tiff Unhappy Returns The keyboard factory’s fired a guy With no ‘ands’, ‘buts’, or ‘ifs’ They said the reason for it was A problem with his shifts
— Friday, Dec. 9, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Jolly Roger The person to whom You should focus your ire at Is the lunch box thief A chicken pot pirate Transparent See The invisible man Has no pleasure Because he suffers From appear pressure
— Saturday, Dec. 10, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Very Gouda Transylvanian cheese tastes great So says our local punster He claims it otherwise is known As Dr. Frankenstein’s muenster Owed English The English student’s nap in class Made his instructor crosser When the teacher threw the book at him He saw a flying Chaucer
— Monday, Dec. 12, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Can’t Walk Out My pet mouse, Elvis Was such a sap Just yesterday He was caught in a trap Bottom’s Up When the guy sat upon The tack, on a whim The word I get is It wrecked ‘im
— Tuesday, Dec. 13, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Much a Do I believe it was A clever wit Who called a hairdresser’s license A perm it Breath of Life My wine bottle wasn’t breathing Its health had sure gone south Fortunately I was present To give it mouth to mouth
— Wednesday, Dec. 14, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Barking Up the Right Tree Down at the pound, my dog was found And sent back home to me Another demonstration of Excellent collar ID Dirty Joke When Maggie Thatcher slipped in mud The headline writers roiled For earning herself the status as “The Greatest Tory Ever Soiled”
— Thursday, Dec. 15, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Glazing Over I thought of unhealthy eating While on my diet somewhat But that is all behind me Because I simply donut The Itch is Back The dermatology department In Houston, Texas Wishes their patients Merry Eczemas
— Friday, Dec. 16, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Mysterious With detective lore Do not be fooled Old Doc Watson Was Holmes schooled Bitin’ Words My molar’s gone And I’m dismayed 10 years I had it A tooth decade
— Saturday, Dec. 17, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Photo Finish My wheat field pic That looks so zany Is certainly Very grainy Getting the Last Word My obituary Won’t be a headline But I’ll write it now To beat the deadline
— Monday, Dec. 19, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Ethnical Dilemma An Indian man missed work today From feeling very weak At least that’s what I think he meant He said that he was Sikh Yes, Your Highness Maui wowie - magic stuff Joint smokers all exclaim it But it’s not a term that I would use “Coral Reefer” I would name it
— Wednesday, Dec. 21, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Motion Pitchers I think it Is really groovy Francis Ford made A Coppola good movies Weather or Not Making thermometers For work’s very odd But I am concerned It’s only a temp job
— Thursday, Dec. 22, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Low Dough For my wife, I sought a toaster I should have planned ahead I couldn’t buy the ten slice one I was running low on bread Fir Ever An ornament’s in treatment now For addictive-type disease Word is he’s been fighting it since Getting hooked on Christmas trees
— Friday, Dec. 23, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Fossil Fool I went to an antique auction A depressing thing to see Because at it I discovered They were bidding on me Frito Dorito Doritos are geometric food Three sided orange spangles My teacher laughed when I said they were I-salsa-les triangles
— Saturday, Dec. 24, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Out of Season Seems they didn’t Get their wish Went out ice fishing But just caught fish Friend Zoned When dating fossils It all depends Sometimes they just Wanna be friends
— Tuesday, Dec. 27, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Copy That? Xerox bought Wurlitzer Said JP Morgan And now they make Reproductive organs Over the Hill That milk for old folks I think I’ll decline Because of its name Pasture Prime
— Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Pastor Prime In church I heard my girlfriend say A phrase I thought was clever “This sermon’s very long today” “It goes on for reverend ever” Income Tracks The ditchdigger working all day Has a boss who is a jerk The money he makes is not OK He’s spade not much for his work
— Thursday, Dec. 29, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Putting It Out There I didn’t get the job I wanted That I know for sure I think it was the resumé My hire extinguisher See Weed A sushi restaurant down the street Is certainly undaunted When it is short of what it needs Their window says “Kelp wanted”
— Friday, Dec. 30, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Moving Statement A Ryder van So they say Goes to haul and back Every day Gouda to the Last Drop I like cheese Alas, it makes me fat But I think that I might Havarti said that