By Kevin Ahern
Horn Guy
Herbie the Love Bug’s gotten old
A bunch of rusting chrome
He lives with other Beetles now
Down at the old Volks home

Winning the Lottery
A nose has entered the raffle
Cuz something inside just “clicked”
He saw that by buying tickets
There was a good chance he’d be picked
Thursday, Dec. 1, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Saw To It
My carpentry exam
Through it I sailed it
In fact, I feel
I really nailed it

For Goodness Cakes
Cookbook poets
Are quite diverse
And they all write
For batter or verse
Friday, Dec. 2, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Down on the Ground
Backpacking, you say?
No way, here's why
It’s better to let
Sleeping bags lie

Samuel Morse 
Was glad he got her
So it’s true to say
He loved his dotter
Saturday, Dec. 3, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
A Brine of the Times
I got in a pickle the other day
And had a conniption fit
My wife said it didn’t matter much
And told me to dill with it

Kiss of Life
OK, here’s the latest
On the insect situation
After it hit the porch light
It got moth to moth resuscitation
Monday, Dec. 5, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Cleaning Up
The Millennium Falcon’s clean up crew
Makes traveling much nicer
I hear their work’s accomplished with
A good Han sanitizer

Life Story
So many things I need to do
And it just seems to me
That my to-do list really is
An “ought-to” biography
Tuesday, Dec. 6, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
The Price Ain’t Right
To the auction they went
With keen intent
But ended with
Bidder disappointment 

Instru Mental
The musician went
And broke a rule
Pulling strings
To pass harp school 
Wednesday, Dec. 7, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
“How do I light my stove?”
Was the first of my dispatches
When I asked the question on Google
I got 50,000 matches

Using a Pun Name
A bookcase wrote a book one day
It brought her lots of wealth
The title that she gave to it?
“My Mother, My Shelf”
Thursday, Dec. 8, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Jay Pegged It
The graphic designers’ argument
Left both of them quite miffed
They are not speaking anymore
It was a major Tiff

Unhappy Returns
The keyboard factory’s fired a guy
With no ‘ands’, ‘buts’, or ‘ifs’
They said the reason for it was
A problem with his shifts
Friday, Dec. 9, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Jolly Roger
The person to whom
You should focus your ire at
Is the lunch box thief
A chicken pot pirate

Transparent See
The invisible man
Has no pleasure
Because he suffers
From appear pressure
Saturday, Dec. 10, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Very Gouda
Transylvanian cheese tastes great
So says our local punster
He claims it otherwise is known
As Dr. Frankenstein’s muenster

Owed English
The English student’s nap in class
Made his instructor crosser
When the teacher threw the book at him
He saw a flying Chaucer
Monday, Dec. 12, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Can’t Walk Out
My pet mouse, Elvis
Was such a sap
Just yesterday
He was caught in a trap

Bottom’s Up
When the guy sat upon
The tack, on a whim
The word I get is
It wrecked ‘im
Tuesday, Dec. 13, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Much a Do
I believe it was
A clever wit
Who called a hairdresser’s license
A perm it

Breath of Life
My wine bottle wasn’t breathing
Its health had sure gone south
Fortunately I was present
To give it mouth to mouth
Wednesday, Dec. 14, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Barking Up the Right Tree
Down at the pound, my dog was found
And sent back home to me
Another demonstration of
Excellent collar ID

Dirty Joke
When Maggie Thatcher slipped in mud
The headline writers roiled
For earning herself the status as 
“The Greatest Tory Ever Soiled”
Thursday, Dec. 15, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Glazing Over
I thought of unhealthy eating
While on my diet somewhat
But that is all behind me
Because I simply donut

The Itch is Back
The dermatology department
In Houston, Texas
Wishes their patients
Merry Eczemas
Friday, Dec. 16, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
With detective lore
Do not be fooled
Old Doc Watson
Was Holmes schooled

Bitin’ Words
My molar’s gone
And I’m dismayed
10 years I had it
A tooth decade
Saturday, Dec. 17, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Photo Finish
My wheat field pic
That looks so zany
Is certainly
Very grainy

Getting the Last Word
My obituary 
Won’t be a headline
But I’ll write it now
To beat the deadline
Monday, Dec. 19, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Ethnical Dilemma
An Indian man missed work today
From feeling very weak
At least that’s what I think he meant
He said that he was Sikh

Yes, Your Highness
Maui wowie - magic stuff
Joint smokers all exclaim it
But it’s not a term that I would use
“Coral Reefer” I would name it
Wednesday, Dec. 21, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Motion Pitchers
I think it
Is really groovy
Francis Ford made
A Coppola good movies

Weather or Not
Making thermometers
For work’s very odd
But I am concerned
It’s only a temp job
Thursday, Dec. 22, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Low Dough
For my wife, I sought a toaster
I should have planned ahead
I couldn’t buy the ten slice one
I was running low on bread

Fir Ever
An ornament’s in treatment now
For addictive-type disease
Word is he’s been fighting it since
Getting hooked on Christmas trees
Friday, Dec. 23, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Fossil Fool
I went to an antique auction
A depressing thing to see
Because at it I discovered
They were bidding on me

Frito Dorito
Doritos are geometric food
Three sided orange spangles
My teacher laughed when I said they were
I-salsa-les triangles
Saturday, Dec. 24, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Out of Season
Seems they didn’t
Get their wish
Went out ice fishing
But just caught fish

Friend Zoned
When dating fossils
It all depends
Sometimes they just 
Wanna be friends
Tuesday, Dec. 27, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Copy That?
Xerox bought Wurlitzer
Said JP Morgan
And now they make
Reproductive organs

Over the Hill
That milk for old folks
I think I’ll decline
Because of its name
Pasture Prime
Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Pastor Prime
In church I heard my girlfriend say
A phrase I thought was clever
“This sermon’s very long today”
“It goes on for reverend ever”

Income Tracks
The ditchdigger working all day
Has a boss who is a jerk
The money he makes is not OK
He’s spade not much for his work
Thursday, Dec. 29, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Putting It Out There
I didn’t get the job I wanted
That I know for sure
I think it was the resumé
My hire extinguisher

See Weed
A sushi restaurant down the street
Is certainly undaunted
When it is short of what it needs
Their window says “Kelp wanted”
Friday, Dec. 30, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Moving Statement
A Ryder van
So they say
Goes to haul and back
Every day

Gouda to the Last Drop
I like cheese
Alas, it makes me fat
But I think that I might
Havarti said that
Saturday, Dec. 31, 2022