By Kevin Ahern
Mess Piggy
The pig in the pen who’s so mature
Just seems to be the wisest
I think it’s likely he’ll endure
When he has a mud life crisis

Internot
The one who runs my email service
Said I need to tweak
The password that I picked - ‘fortnight’
Because it is two week
Monday, Aug. 1, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Ego Media
I think the two things mean the same
So you can take your pick
You can call it a device for selfies
Or a narcissist stick

Over My Dead Body
When I got a job in the hair salon
They asked me whether I
Had something I’d prefer to do
I said I’d rather dye
Tuesday, Aug. 2, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Here Come Da Judge
The brand new lawyer’s
Really glad
With a new apartment - 
A legal pad

Aloha Ha
In Hawaii, I hear
When tourism’s off
It always means
Many lei-offs
Wednesday, Aug. 3, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Trusty Rusty
The Oz’s tin man is no more
And survivors have a plan
The first thing they are gonna do
Is notify his next of can

Fabreze
I wrote a verse about the wind
To see it, you must wait
Cuz at the moment now it is
Only in a draft state
Sunday, Aug. 7, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Root of the Problem
That nursery guy
Has one big frown
He got caught
With his plants down

Wait and See
A busser sometimes
Finds work rocky
That’s how it is
With dish jockeys
Monday, Aug. 8, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Wino
The priest with the
Communion cup
Says his business is
Always looking up

Sum Game
“That Fibonacci joke,”
The math guy opined,
“Is as bad as the last two”
“You’ve told, combined”
Tuesday, Aug. 9, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Barley Able to Handle It
The farmer in his field today
Was describing aches and pains
He said the headaches bothering him
Were “mostly my grains”

Lighten Up
My butane lighter’s stubborn
As you can plainly see
But that is not a problem
It is no match for me
Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Not Clothed Minded
The nudist colony
Over there
Is in the middle
Of no wear

Eau, I See
The French diner’s food
Was in terrible shape
So I asked her what
She saw in that crepe
Thursday, Aug. 11, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Cheers
Inside my garden
It’s plain to see
The carrots are all
Rooting for me

Out Standing in His Field
The scarecrow now
Has reached his goal
Favorable ratings
In a straw poll
Friday, Aug. 12, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sleepless in Seattle
My bed got stolen yesterday
I’m unhappy with those men
And I assure you I will not
Rest until I find them

Leaf Me Alone
“No virgin forests left in Oregon”
Declared the New York Times
And what’s the cause of their demise?
A bunch of knotty pines
Saturday, Aug. 13, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Getting Duped
My friend was confused
What cloning was
So to her I said
“That makes two of us”

Melt Down
I shouldn’t have eaten
That ice cream course
So I now have
Breyer’s remorse
Monday, Aug. 15, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Gin and Toxic
That liquor store
Down by the river
One way or another
De-livers

Ears To Ya
Though they may be
Head de-forming
Earmuffs promote
Lobal Warming
Tuesday, Aug. 16, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Purrfect
My Cuban cat
That I like so
Comes when I call him
“Fidel Catro”

Sweeties
I make valentines
Very smart
Every one of them
A work of heart
Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Not Carrot All
Foodies note
This bit of clarity
Vegans unite
In saladarity

Dry? No
Fixing plugs
Always seems
To give to plumbers
Pipe dreams
Thursday, Aug. 18, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Food Fight
That Red Lobster fight
Was quite the scare
Battered fish
Were everywhere

See Sickness
My sister is
A drama queen
So her doctor gave her
Melodramamine
Friday, Aug. 19, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
No Bull
In the livestock business
This is the word
Cows stick together
To be herd

Going Downhill
According to what
The ski lodge said
They want toboggan
On the price of your sled
Saturday, Aug. 20, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Identity Crisis
Scientists say
It’s best for you
To think of clones
As people two

MC Hammered
Enjoying music
Means avoiding the worst
Treat it like candy
Toss the rapper first
Monday, Aug. 22, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Mow and Mow
The local landscaper
Is a guy named Jim
He’s liked because
You get a lawn with him

The Illiterati
For that girl I liked
I should have persisted
She used just four vowels
Didn’t know I existed
Tuesday, Aug. 23, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
The One That Got a Weigh
The fisherman’s claim
“Big as a whale”
Means he caught fish
By the tale

Punching Big
The boxing match
Began with ease
Thanks to opening
Fistivities
Wednesday, Aug. 24, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Kitty Letter
Poems by cats
Could not be worse
Because they all
Are just purr verse

Duncan Rhymes
A good cake mix
That most prefer
Is one that causes
Quite a stir
Thursday, Aug. 25, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
No Bones
A tic-tac-toe board
So very fun
Is just an ex-oh
Skeleton

Down Poor
Free umbrellas
Not a scam
Part of a wetness
Protection plan
Friday, Aug. 26, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
No Bull
Worried of Mad Cow?
Here’s what to avoid
Performance enhancement
From all those steer-oids

Looking Back
That broken mirror
I say to thee
Is not a true
Reflection of me
Sunday, Aug. 28, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Daddy Wrong Legs
Arachnophobes
Feel greater fright
When they observe
A big Web site

Earring Aid
Here’s something that
May bring a smile
An earring keeps
A lobe profile
Monday, Aug. 29, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Role Plying
Cryptocurrency’s
Latest caper
Is called ButtCoin
It hoards toilet paper

They’ll Be Covered
Two bed bugs
Have got this thing
They’re getting married
In the spring
Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Up in the Air
The paint flinging class 
Couldn’t be duller
But I passed it
With flying colors

Bubbling Over
The bubble gum store
Just put in the mail
An ad for its latest
Blow out sale
Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2022