By Kevin Ahern
The drunk was said to be
Increasingly merry
Whenever he added to
His vodkabulary

Lots of Buzz, Though
Though the honeycomb film
To me was quite groovy
The critics complained
It was a bee movie
Sunday, May 1, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
On the Job
Religious holidays all the time
No science holidays lurking
And there is one big reason why
Science is always working

Mixed Message
A conundrum I had
When I was a youth
Saying, “I’m lying in bed”
But telling the truth
Monday, May 2, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Out on a Limb
When a mighty oak got ill
It found relief
By using a bit of
Accumulated sick leaf

Operating System
To drive them
You’ll need a log-in
Electric cars
Known as Voltswagons 
Tuesday, May 3, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Par for the Curse
To be dating a golfer
Many have found
Isn’t always easy
Cuz they like to play a round

For Cold Knights
A corduroy condom
That fits like a glove
Provides users with
A groovy kind of love
Wednesday, May 4, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
On the top of the things
Worthy of condemnin’
Vladimir Putin
Is the crumb de la Kremlin

Getting Soaked
The scuba diver
To water marches
Paying expensive
Depth charges 
Thursday, May 5, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sigh in the Saddle
I’d really like to ride a horse
But think that I should mention
It probably won’t happen
Due to the mounting tension

All Fired Up
An arsonist knows
He’ll have to pay
If he commits
Crime brûlée
Friday, May 6, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sleepless in the Saddle
I have trouble sleeping
No way to ignore it
When I started a support group
Everyone was up for it

Name Game
If it’s true that people
From Poland are Poles
Does it follow that people
From Holland are Holes?
Saturday, May 7, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Going to Prism
I think I got this
Just about right
The heaviest rainbow
Is still pretty light

Travel Agent
The vacationing jogger
Who traveled to Rome
Is certainly running
Away from home
Sunday, May 8, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Missing Book
I ordered a book months ago
And I'm feeling quite deprived
It’s called “How to Scam People Online”
But it still has not arrived

Scrambled Logic
Evil chickens
Are the dregs
I hear they lay
Deviled eggs
Monday, May 9, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Math Users
A lot of people heard the buzz
That Romans way back when
Found algebra quite easy cuz
X always equaled ten 

My hands act quickly to respond
Such versatility
But with reflexes always come
Great response ability
Tuesday, May 10, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Pinch an Inch?
The fat farm has a name I love
Assigned it by its makers
If you are interested in going
Just look up “Belly Acres”

Feathered Fiend
My chicken died and came back as
A spook - it wasn’t nice
But ask yourself, whoever has
A personal poultrygeist?
Wednesday, May 11, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Foot Where?
The subject of geography
Is one that I despise
For example, I thought Tripoli
Was just a wide shoe size

On the Level
Flat Earthers they are quite unsound
I think most are insane
The only way they get around
Is travel on a plane
Friday, May 13, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
My little Pomeranian
Just made a mistake now, dammit
It went and looked Medusa in the eyes
And became a pomegranate

New Name and a Dress
That single lady planned, I’d say
Down to the last detail
The matter of her wedding day
She wants to know a veil
Saturday, May 14, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
The clerks at Barnes and Noble
Don’t know what to do with themselves
Cuz the brand new book on poltergeists
Is flying off the shelves

To the Letter
It’s said that Stalin had success
Because of his decision
To write in lower case because
He hated capitalism
Sunday, May 15, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
I admitted to my puzzlement
And made it known to him
With just this simple question
WTF is an acronym?

Blowing In
A cloud found out it couldn’t make
A storm, so it felt very blue
But then made up its mind that it
Would have to just make dew
Monday, May 16, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Classical Dilemma
That Bach musician talked of woe
Hoping it would provoke
A donation of a bit of dough
Because he was baroque

Boogie Man
A snowman in the grocery store
To the carrot section goes
And makes a scene each time because
It’s where he picks his nose
Tuesday, May 17, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Prose Pros
I went to visit my poet friend
My writing skills to hone
And she told me to sit right down
And make myself a tome

No Sugar, Please
When coffee additives duked it out
The lawsuit was a screamer
Legal experts refer to it
As creamer versus creamer
Thursday, May 19, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Battle of the Bulged
Overweight Americans
Give them their due
Waving the flag
Red, wide, and blue

Getting the Shaft
When the elevator crashed
Some people cried
It was the day
The Muzak died
Friday, May 20, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Tropic Topic
When Cuba’s first 
To space was shot
Havana had
A Castronaut

Stop Short
When a storyteller 
Makes you wail
It’s time to go
Cut off his tale
Sunday, May 22, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Baa Joke
Little Bo Peep lost her sheep
But now is quite excited
Because it seems the lady has
With them been reewenited

Heck of a Deal
Panama’s canal
Is truly great
A very massive 
Inside strait 
Monday, May 23, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Error Prone
My friend’s a typochondriac
That’s bad, for goodness sake
Because it means that she’s afraid
Of making a mistake

Hello Dali
Painter Dali 
Ate flakes with zeal
Because he really 
Liked surreal
Tuesday, May 24, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Think Nothing of It
If you’ve got a complaint about lazy folks
I recommend you conserve it
Because it’s true that none of them
Did anything to deserve it

Burn Baby Burn
He decided to get cremated
The choice is real, not rash
He liked thinking about the people who
Would one day kiss his ash
Thursday, May 26, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
“Gee” Ometry
He said he wanted to be edgy
And be noticed for all his spangles
I simply had one word for him

Head Lines
My head is really killing me
It is a horrible feeling
I think it must have been last night’s
Dance upon the ceiling
And the fall
Friday, May 27, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Bombing It
Losing one’s temper
Is bad, you know
Kick an ICBM
Get missile toe

Bold Statement
I heard it from
A Rome smart alec
The Pisa Tower leans
Because it’s italic
Sunday, May 29, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sick, Sick, Sick
My friend the hypochondriac
At Christmas gets a sting
Cuz nobody ever buys her gifts
Since she has everything

My neurologist friend gets on my nerves
And the last time it occurred
I looked at him and said out loud
“Axons speak louder than words”
Tuesday, May 31, 2022