Verses: May 2023

No Yolk
The Easter Bunny is a nut
And says it with clarity
“The way the stuff comes out my butt”
“Is rear eggularity”

Tucson Too Soon
Know your Arizona towns
Don’t be a source of rumor
Otherwise someone will claim
That you’ve no sense of Yuma

High Price
A Donor Card’s not a Debit Card
Please hear me now I beg
When I confused the two yesterday
It cost me an arm and a leg

Sacrifice
With Easter coming
I’ll end my stint
Giving up Hershey’s chocolate
For Lindt

Smoking My Joints
My chiropractor I report
Works well behind my back
I like to think that he’s a sort
Of modern lumbar jack 

Dog Daze
My dachshund has a drinking problem
Worse if he goes quicker
This dog just messes everything
He can’t control his licker

Feathered Fronds
Politically, a bird may lean
To the left of all the rest
Socialist ones lay all their eggs
Inside a communest

Pain Free
With medical marijuana
Everyone can see
You cannot have healTHCare
Without some THC

Drinking Problem
I love my bottled water
So rich and metabolic
My friend said to be careful
Or I’ll be aquaholic

Indoor Fins
I took my date to a fish restaurant
And did it with good reasoning
Cuz I wanted us both to have
Salmon chanted evening

Money Pit
The gold digger with
Her skin so bronze
Sought out a guy
Be-furring blonds

Per Jury
The lie detector
Now is gone
Too many times
Re-lied upon

Lighten Up
LEDs 
Are wonderful sights
They really are
Electrolights

Cap’n Crutch
The old sea captain
A bit of a nut
Won’t go to the barber
Afraid of a crew cut

Esprussia?
A weird idea
That really sucks
Russian coffee
At Tsarbucks

Go Out and Get It
The store with things
For fireplace mantels
Is having a blowout
Sale on candles

In the Moo-ed
The cow that sings 
Has it down pat
She belts it out
In beef flat

Leguminary
I think it would be
Very wise
To give Gregor Mendel
The Nobel Peas Prize

Closing Costs
Successful realtors
People say
Do one good deed
Every day

Take Them for Granite
Of geologists now
Everyone talks
About how they learn
At the school of hard rocks

Stretching It
A marathon
Would be much fun
I hope to do one
In the long run

Letter Perfect
To help improve
Cooking morale
Julia Child
Had a pan pal

Gum Control
A gum that loses flavor
After a chewing stint
Can easily be referred to
As an ex-spearmint

Shaping Up
At the bottom of
The Bermuda triangle
I hear there is
A wreck tangle

Snotty Remark
Each spring my allergies erupt
I wish I had amnesia
The sneezing is so bad I feel
That I’m in pollenesia

Unfair
I thought your weasel-ly pet was rather
Cute and brown and small
I mis-identified it, though
Which wasn’t ferret all

No Place Like Home
“We treat you like family”
The sign did say
So from that store
I stayed away

Beam Me Up
I don’t understand
How you’ll improve
By getting your
Laser hair removed

Hot Topic
Arsonists really
Aren't much fun
Because at parties
They just heat and run 

Hay, Hay, Hay
Mr. Ed’s political
Since he has just declared
That he is currently planning
To run for mare

At the Buzz-er
I’m in a class to cultivate
Some marijuana and I
Can note with pride that on our test
My score was rather high

Overheard
Guevara spoke
Quite loud with cred
“We’ll win this thing”
That’s what Che said

Flake News
Fake news is
In my estimation
The product of
Artificial dissemination

Sell Service
The microbiologist
Says that she’s
One who likes
Taking cellfies

Wedding Bond
The chemist made an alloy grand
Her earnings now may double
Joining nickel up to cerium
Created a NiCe couple

Designated Dino
In Jurassic times, to save some lives
Public service announcements vexed
“Tyrannosaurus Drinks, Tyrannosaurus Drives”
“Tyrannosaurus Wrecks”

Verses contributor Kevin Ahern announced in May that he is taking a break from writing verse to pursue other projects. The series will resume at a later date.