By Kevin Ahern
Sounds Off
When I lost my audiobook
My spouse had a fit
Now I will never
Hear the end of it

Quorum Sense
I think that it
Is worth repeating
When bacteria Zoom
It’s for a Staph meeting
Wednesday, Feb. 1, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Tarred and feathered once again
That guy’s the joke of town
It’s happened now so many times
That he has just worn down

Cold Shoulder
The snowman they call Frosty
Is grinning with delight
Because he has a girlfriend
It was love at frostbite
Friday, Feb. 3, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Space Case
An astronaut wasn’t very good
And everyone knew ’twas the case
When he was at the space station
All he did was take up space

Dessert Hurt
I ate dessert, but shouldn’t have
And now I lie awake
I guess I should have known because
It was a stomach cake
Saturday, Feb. 4, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Unbalanced Act
The Russian acrobat pyramid team
From competing has withdrawn
It seems they have a problem cuz
They don’t have Oleg to stand on

Sore Spot
I dropped a six pack on my foot
But that’s not the worst of the news
Because the place it landed on
Is covered now with brews
Sunday, Feb. 5, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
To Your Health
In Holland, “Bottoms up”
Means more than just good cheer
In fact, the loose translation is
“Your Heineken drink Dutch beer”

Unbalanced Beaming
A gymnast got arrested
For breaking into cars
For ten years she was sentenced
Behind parallel bars
Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Waiting Game
The clerk at Legoland
Is off the clock
So customers now
Are lined up for blocks

A motor home
Is really great
An investment in 
Wheel estate
Wednesday, Feb. 8, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Root Cause
The message from top management
Was a most confusing one
“We need a lot more meetings”
“On why work’s not getting done”

Virtual Wii-ality
A kid on his computer
In the middle of gay Paree
Was asked if he liked video games
And he responded, “Wii”
Thursday, Feb. 9, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
The bill for my fake hair
Somehow got missed
But now it’s on
My “To-pay” list

University Avenue
Everyone who has
A Louisiana zip code
Knows the way to campus
Is a Tulane road
Friday, Feb. 10, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Slow Cooker
Just one thing that
Will make me happy
Turtle soup
And make it snappy

Been There, Done That
I went to China
Twice I flew
The second time
Was Asia Vu
Saturday, Feb. 11, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Seein’ Green
Avocados on your nose can
Give a fine aroma
But if you put them on your eyes
You’ll end up with guacoma

A Rosé by Any Other Name
A one horned animal and a sot
Is that big snorting rhino
When he’s unhappy, it’s accurate
To say that he’s a whino
Sunday, Feb. 12, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
If Only They Cud
Cow inspectors
It would appear
Really have
A check herd career

Wetness to the Crime
I had a bad accident
Don’t know what to do
My car’s in the water
It’s a Scubaru
Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
On the One Hand
The Ambidextrous Society
Is growing every night
Because of all the people
Joining left and right

When it comes to lighting fires
Pinocchio has one rule
He doesn’t want to be involved
Cuz he’s nobody’s fuel
Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Pedal Pusher
A psychiatrist pedaling backwards
Abuses bike technology
Perhaps he thinks he’ll get his way
By using reverse cycology

Nuns of the Above
A trio of nuns are lawyers
And the public is in awe
With the name they gave their practice
The Three Sisters in Law
Thursday, Feb. 16, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Pinot More
Your valentine wants something new
She’s got it in her head
To make her happy, no flowers this year
Why not liquor instead?

Less Filling
A bartender served up a firefly
In response to an order one night
The customer protested as the bartender said
“I thought you wanted a ButtLight”
Friday, Feb. 17, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Extending Curdesy
Swiss cheese can be made
With great expedience
Remember when creating it
To use holesome ingredients

MD Headed
Oh isn’t it ironic how
A surgeon can amass
All the knowledge they require
Simply from cutting class
Saturday, Feb. 18, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Looks are Deceiving
“I see an optical illusion”
I told my friend today
Turns out it really wasn’t
It simply looked that way

Going in Circles
The Russians aimed way out in space
To make an orbit portal
They used it quite a while, but now
It’s no place for Mir mortals
Sunday, Feb. 19, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Making the Grade
When giving a magician a test
I’ll make just one suggestion
You’ll cause a very great distress
If you give just one trick question

“Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous”
“I’m very happy to say”
“Looking out across this crowd”
“I see many new faces today”
Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
No Crater Good
A Chinese astronaut 
Very soon
May take a wok up 
On the moon

La Beau Hmmm
For an opera singer
I once dug
On her birthday I gave
An aria rug
Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Old Ages
My history teacher
Goes on and on
Why does she

Supply-Side Economics
When Swedes fill up
A winter home
They suffer from
Stock home syndrome
Thursday, Feb. 23, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Safari is my favorite app
For Web sites at my house
The functions in this version though
Are raising some iBrowse

Pix Fix
A cameraman from long ago
Would puff upon his pipe
And skulk around the town a lot
A cloak and daguerrotype
Friday, Feb. 24, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Tickling Fancies
Those girls are stuck up with a yen
For things all hoochie-coochie
How do the rich guys tickle them?
Gucci, Gucci, Gucci

Fancy Footwork
The patrons of that bar are gruff
There is some major swaggering
The group thinks it is very tough
The number sure is staggering
Saturday, Feb. 25, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Snow Big Deal
The Inuits really
Are party makers
Perhaps it’s cuz
They’re good icebreakers

Hard Lesson
The driveway gave me
Some gestault
When I skinned a knee
My dumb asphalt
Sunday, Feb. 26, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Before It Melts
A big ice cream van had a wreck
Its contents hard and soft
To ease congestion at the site
The area was coned off

Schrodinger’s Vacuums
I have two vacuum cleaners
One’s working collecting dust
The other one isn’t working
And also collecting dust
Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2023