By Kevin Ahern
Unique Perspective
I met an endoscopist
And now I’m really primed
Cuz she told me she would
Look me up sometime

Count On It
When I learned of my Transylvanian roots
It caused in me great fear
So bad that to this day I can’t
Look myself in the mirror
Monday, Jan. 2, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Won’t Fly
A new rule has been put in place
For archery club members now
You’re in trouble on induction
Whenever you take a bow 

Insects Aside
Web developers consider
The spider a thug
Because it gets happy
When it finds a bug
Tuesday, Jan. 3, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Wedding Vowels
Old man MacDonald and his wife
Renewed their vowels, you know
When they did it in their ceremony
They said E-I-E-I-O

Her obsession with astrology
Was not so smart
In fact I think I’d say
It Taurus apart
Wednesday, Jan. 4, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
In Behind
Two men were running near a car
Each one of them looked frosted
The one in front was getting tired
The one behind, exhausted

Dude Raunch
That person wearing cowboy clothes
Is playing roles, I’m guessing
But keep him from the salad bar
Whenever he’s ranch dressing
Thursday, Jan. 5, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Paperback Rider
A bookworm here
Could not resist
Putting “Waiting for Godot”
On her Beckett list 

Duly Wedded
The Dating Game couple 
Does not disparage
The idea behind
Game marriage
Friday, Jan. 6, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
At Halloween time
It should not be ignored
Every pumpkin
Thinks it will be gourd

Sham Poo
Drug resistant lice
Evade the meds
And leave researchers
Scratching their heads
Saturday, Jan. 7, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Going South
Robert E. Lee
Was born to lead
In high school voted
Most likely to secede

Getting Buzz
The fly at our table
Is out of control
His joking won’t stop
When he’s on a roll
Monday, Jan. 9, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Glow in the Dork
Mood rings are great
Who can resist ‘em?
They’re really good 
As warning systems

Plane Killers
When it’s time to fly south
For mallards and drakes
Many are afflicted
With migrate headaches
Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Mixer Drinks
Whiskey sure helps
Folks to mingle
Cuz after a double
They feel single

Armed and Not Dangerous
They say that he’s
A non-violent activist
But he didn’t strike me
As a pacifist
Wednesday, Jan. 11, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
The German cats, it’s often said
For happiness must strive
Because they’re bored most every day
Since they all have nein lives

Hair Don’t
When asked to remove his man bun
The aging hipster said
“I can’t believe you said that”
“Knot off the top of my head”
Friday, Jan. 13, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Frayed Chicken
When the chicken stopped its laying
She told me that the cause
Was very simply due to
Going through henopause

Foundation of Knowledge
My cosmetology final
I missed, I must confess
Thank goodness they’ll let me
Take a make-up test
Saturday, Jan. 14, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Sleepless in Seattle
My bed got stolen yesterday
I’m unhappy with those men
And I assure you I will not
Rest until I find them

Leaf Me Alone
“No virgin forests left in Oregon”
Declared the New York Times
And what’s the cause of their demise?
A bunch of knotty pines 
Sunday, Jan. 15, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Senior Citizen
The slowest gun
In the West you’d see
Was a guy they called 
Wyatt A-A-R-P

My new thesaurus
Is not so strong
Under “incorrect”
Every word is wrong
Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Hi At Regency
When I left the hotel
There is no doubt
The receptionist was definitely
Checking me out 

Step On It
I’m certainly not perfect
But I can get frisky
No walking on water
But I stagger on whiskey
Wednesday, Jan. 18, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Howl Movement
We must be careful on holidays
To watch what goes inside us
Cuz eating Christmas decorations
Can give us tinselitis

And speaking of lumberjacks, I’d say
They all are okie-dokie
Transporting logs for them is simply
A form of carry oaky 
Thursday, Jan. 19, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Price Tugs
I went to buy an electric car
So I put everything in hock
But when I finally got it
I had sticker shock

All this writing secretly
Really makes me think
I wonder how I will know when
I run out of invisible ink
Friday, Jan. 20, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Light Slippers
The shoe store says
They’re used to it
People coming in 
And having a fit

Ancient Arkive
On Noah’s boat
So much malarky
In fact there was
An arky
Saturday, Jan. 21, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
At Least No Percussion
A musician’s hurt
And cannot talk
While Chopin wood
He hurt his Bach

Brush With the Aww
Here is my advice
I think that you should try it
When a front door has been painted
Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve dried it
Sunday, Jan. 22, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Who Nose?
The free nasal exams
From Dr. Chuck
Were too good to pass
So we said, “Sinus up”

Electrical Problem
It really gives
Their makers fits
When robots run away
And join the circuits
Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Things Are Looking Up
Looking up at the heavens
Were a hundred pair of eyes
In the astronomy competition
I won the constellation prize

The Scrabble mistake I made today
Was honest, let’s be fair
I have to say the cause of it
Was simply tile and error
Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Drip, Drip, Drip
A medical school
Disburses knowledge
And each one is
An IV league college

Up in the Air
Though loftiness is what
Their travel evokes
Flight attendants really
Are just plane folks
Thursday, Jan. 26, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
New Subject
A runner out on the mountainsides
Measured their topography
And put this info on a map
Creating a bit of jography

Dead in the Water
The county’s budget deficit
Turns out to be much worse
Our law enforcement’s worried that
They’re cutting coroners
Friday, Jan. 27, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
That battery’s odor
I must presume
Is just a kind of
D-cell fume

Home on the Range
Wandering tribes
Knew no walls
We are talking
Saturday, Jan. 28, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Heck of a Deal
Panama’s canal
Is truly great
A very massive 
Inside strait 

Hoppy Hour
There’s joy in hops
When they’re on sale
To learn of beer
Is to know of ale
Sunday, Jan. 29, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Baseless Humor
When I told my DNA joke
Everyone scoffed
Probably because
My thymine was off

Point and Click
She forgot how to use
The mouse she picked
Til all of a sudden
Something clicked
Tuesday, Jan. 31, 2023