By Kevin Ahern
Unique Perspective I met an endoscopist And now I’m really primed Cuz she told me she would Look me up sometime Count On It When I learned of my Transylvanian roots It caused in me great fear So bad that to this day I can’t Look myself in the mirror
— Monday, Jan. 2, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Won’t Fly A new rule has been put in place For archery club members now You’re in trouble on induction Whenever you take a bow Insects Aside Web developers consider The spider a thug Because it gets happy When it finds a bug
— Tuesday, Jan. 3, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Wedding Vowels Old man MacDonald and his wife Renewed their vowels, you know When they did it in their ceremony They said E-I-E-I-O Librated Her obsession with astrology Was not so smart In fact I think I’d say It Taurus apart
— Wednesday, Jan. 4, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
In Behind Two men were running near a car Each one of them looked frosted The one in front was getting tired The one behind, exhausted Dude Raunch That person wearing cowboy clothes Is playing roles, I’m guessing But keep him from the salad bar Whenever he’s ranch dressing
— Thursday, Jan. 5, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Paperback Rider A bookworm here Could not resist Putting “Waiting for Godot” On her Beckett list Duly Wedded The Dating Game couple Does not disparage The idea behind Game marriage
— Friday, Jan. 6, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
PSL At Halloween time It should not be ignored Every pumpkin Thinks it will be gourd Sham Poo Drug resistant lice Evade the meds And leave researchers Scratching their heads
— Saturday, Jan. 7, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Going South Robert E. Lee Was born to lead In high school voted Most likely to secede Getting Buzz The fly at our table Is out of control His joking won’t stop When he’s on a roll
— Monday, Jan. 9, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Glow in the Dork Mood rings are great Who can resist ‘em? They’re really good As warning systems Plane Killers When it’s time to fly south For mallards and drakes Many are afflicted With migrate headaches
— Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Mixer Drinks Whiskey sure helps Folks to mingle Cuz after a double They feel single Armed and Not Dangerous They say that he’s A non-violent activist But he didn’t strike me As a pacifist
— Wednesday, Jan. 11, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Litter-ally The German cats, it’s often said For happiness must strive Because they’re bored most every day Since they all have nein lives Hair Don’t When asked to remove his man bun The aging hipster said “I can’t believe you said that” “Knot off the top of my head”
— Friday, Jan. 13, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Frayed Chicken When the chicken stopped its laying She told me that the cause Was very simply due to Going through henopause Foundation of Knowledge My cosmetology final I missed, I must confess Thank goodness they’ll let me Take a make-up test
— Saturday, Jan. 14, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Sleepless in Seattle My bed got stolen yesterday I’m unhappy with those men And I assure you I will not Rest until I find them Leaf Me Alone “No virgin forests left in Oregon” Declared the New York Times And what’s the cause of their demise? A bunch of knotty pines
— Sunday, Jan. 15, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Senior Citizen The slowest gun In the West you’d see Was a guy they called Wyatt A-A-R-P Synonyms My new thesaurus Is not so strong Under “incorrect” Every word is wrong
— Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Hi At Regency When I left the hotel There is no doubt The receptionist was definitely Checking me out Step On It I’m certainly not perfect But I can get frisky No walking on water But I stagger on whiskey
— Wednesday, Jan. 18, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Howl Movement We must be careful on holidays To watch what goes inside us Cuz eating Christmas decorations Can give us tinselitis Sing-a-Log And speaking of lumberjacks, I’d say They all are okie-dokie Transporting logs for them is simply A form of carry oaky
— Thursday, Jan. 19, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Price Tugs I went to buy an electric car So I put everything in hock But when I finally got it I had sticker shock Unforeseen All this writing secretly Really makes me think I wonder how I will know when I run out of invisible ink
— Friday, Jan. 20, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Light Slippers The shoe store says They’re used to it People coming in And having a fit Ancient Arkive On Noah’s boat So much malarky In fact there was An arky
— Saturday, Jan. 21, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
At Least No Percussion A musician’s hurt And cannot talk While Chopin wood He hurt his Bach Brush With the Aww Here is my advice I think that you should try it When a front door has been painted Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve dried it
— Sunday, Jan. 22, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Who Nose? The free nasal exams From Dr. Chuck Were too good to pass So we said, “Sinus up” Electrical Problem It really gives Their makers fits When robots run away And join the circuits
— Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Things Are Looking Up Looking up at the heavens Were a hundred pair of eyes In the astronomy competition I won the constellation prize Dictionwary The Scrabble mistake I made today Was honest, let’s be fair I have to say the cause of it Was simply tile and error
— Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Drip, Drip, Drip A medical school Disburses knowledge And each one is An IV league college Up in the Air Though loftiness is what Their travel evokes Flight attendants really Are just plane folks
— Thursday, Jan. 26, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
New Subject A runner out on the mountainsides Measured their topography And put this info on a map Creating a bit of jography Dead in the Water The county’s budget deficit Turns out to be much worse Our law enforcement’s worried that They’re cutting coroners
— Friday, Jan. 27, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Smelly That battery’s odor I must presume Is just a kind of D-cell fume Home on the Range Wandering tribes Knew no walls We are talking Meanderthals
— Saturday, Jan. 28, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Heck of a Deal Panama’s canal Is truly great A very massive Inside strait Hoppy Hour There’s joy in hops When they’re on sale To learn of beer Is to know of ale
— Sunday, Jan. 29, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Baseless Humor When I told my DNA joke Everyone scoffed Probably because My thymine was off Point and Click She forgot how to use The mouse she picked Til all of a sudden Something clicked