By Kevin Ahern
INSULT AND BATTERY
Too much violence in the world
That’s what we’ve got
Why, just yesterday,
I was struck by a thought
— Thursday, Aug. 1, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
PAIN IN FULL
The surgery went very odd
But I’ll just have to chill
My spirit wants to leave my bod
But can’t until I pay the bill
— Friday, Aug. 2, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
LIKE 'I'M SURE'
The book “How to Be Sarcastic”
May be good or rinky dink
When its reviewers said “Best Ever”
I didn’t know what to think
— Saturday, Aug. 3, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
A FOOL AND HIS MONEY
When madness came to take its toll
It wasn’t all that strange
John was fully prepared for it
Waiting with exact change
— Tuesday, Aug. 6, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
HEAT RAVE
Either the weather’s too hot
Or I’m getting soft
Yesterday some garlic
Took its cloves off
— Wednesday, Aug. 7, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
CAPRICORNY
My girlfriend was into astrology
She took the stuff to heart
I thought it was all baloney, though
It really Taurus apart
— Thursday, Aug. 8, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
HOPS TO IT
I drink my beer
And have to trot
Because that’s when
IPA lot
— Friday, Aug. 9, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
DEJA BOO BOO
Tim never cracked a book
And so it came to pass
That he found history will repeat itself
He failed the class
— Tuesday, Aug. 13, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
BEST WISHES
She’d pay to see an orca
If she were considerably richer
As it is, she’ll sit and hope
Making her a real whale wisher
— Wednesday, Aug. 14, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
WELCOME TO FACEBOOK
Welcome to Facebook
We’re happy you’re here, it’s true
A place where you can learn about us
But we learn more about you
— Thursday, Aug. 15, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
HOT STUFF
Two global warmers fell in love
It caused their friends to quip
That this was the result of
A love-heat relationship
— Friday, Aug. 16, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
SPEECHLESS
A mime met his demise one day
Out watching little birds
At his funeral the eulogist declared,
“There are no words”
— Saturday, Aug. 17, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
STUCK SHIFT
The guy who works on my car
Is the worst I’ve ever seen
Recently he was featured in
Unpopular Mechanics magazine
— Tuesday, Aug. 20, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
WIMBLEDON'T
I just went to a funeral
That made me very nervous
The guy was killed by a tennis ball
But wow, what a service
— Wednesday, Aug. 21, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
RISKY WHISKY
The cops apparently
Made a major goof
They claimed to find an illegal still
But there was zero proof
— Thursday, Aug. 22, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
WEDDING BELLS
An iPhone fell for an Android
It was a summer thing
And then proposed marriage
By giving her a ring
— Friday, Aug. 23, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
WHERE IS IT?
The base of my lettuce is missing
I know that sounds absurd
But it isn’t all that bad, my friend
Just the tip of the iceberg
— Saturday, Aug. 24, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
BOOZE NEWS
Bacardi is a product
I heartily endorse
How best to serve it?
At rum temperature, of course
— Tuesday, Aug. 27, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
BON APÉTIT
French treats in my shopping cart
Appeared out of thin air
How did that happen?
I guess they crêped in there
— Wednesday, Aug. 28, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
TEARY EYED
I have eye issues
That require resolution
My contact lens problem
Is having no contact lens solution
— Thursday, Aug. 29, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
LITTLE FRISKIES
My cat is very picky
And so it is she purrs
That she and her mate have towels
Labeled Hiss and Hers
— Friday, Aug. 30, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
FIRSTHAND SMOKE
Nicotine patches are expensive
My cousin says he was misled
So now he saves his money
By smoking cigarettes instead