By Kevin Ahern
Getting Some Boos At Halloween, a ghost said he Was acting on a whim He worked quite hard at fooling me But I saw right through him Classical Dilemma That Bach musician talked of woe Hoping it would provoke A donation of a bit of dough Because he was baroque
— Tuesday, Nov. 1, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
For Sail I heard old Navy women Before each of their sails Would pinch themselves for luck Or is that an old Wave’s tale? Lo-Cal Locale I dropped some sweetener in the yard My wife won’t let it pass She said it just reminded her Of Splenda® in the grass
— Wednesday, Nov. 2, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Extra Pay I asked my doc of nitrates She looked at me and laughed And said she really likes them cuz They give her time and a half Coded Message I got a big apology To which I had been owed ’Twas written in dots and dashes, though Some kind of remorse code
— Thursday, Nov. 3, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Little Nipper A wee French dog that carries wine Leaves people feeling jolly They have a special name for it It’s called a Bordeaux Collie A Tangled Web Hair conditioner users Of which there sure are lots Can be divided into The haves and the have knots
— Saturday, Nov. 5, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Plane to See Flat Earthers logic leads them to A crazy wild obsession I think the matter’s if 2D Or not 2D’s the question In Digestion I cannot keep my termite pets No place for them to roam So I will give them all away For free to a wood home
— Monday, Nov. 7, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Fools Russian In Though I know it’s true for many foods That Russians say ‘nyet’ They all are happy eating pho Cuz it is so Viet De-tension A tardigrade is apropos For a biology student lass It’s what the teacher gave to her For being late for class
— Tuesday, Nov. 8, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Angel Feud I gotta be careful ‘bout what I say Or ‘twill be a big mistake Seducing dessert lovers isn’t hard It’s just a piece of cake Ohm-less I gave up Eastern religion And all I can say is ‘wow’ The change I felt was quite complete When I threw in the Tao
— Wednesday, Nov. 9, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
That Wood Hurt Pinocchio asked A collegian About the pains In his lumber region Room to Spar At boxing weddings Everyone stares Because they are Black eye affairs
— Thursday, Nov. 10, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Zeroing In I got a zero on my test Despite what I’d been taught It meant all of my studying Was literally for naught Number One Goal The potty training effort For those parents now is done So they have written a helpful book Called “How the Wets Was Won”
— Friday, Nov. 11, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Cutting the Custard You certainly seemed to like dessert Exclaiming about it wildly To me it tasted awfully bland And I am pudding it mildly Small Sample Size Regarding kidnappings Europeans are shook No approval of them From the Pole I took
— Saturday, Nov. 12, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
On the Lamb A shepherd guy at Christmas time Was feeling rather odd I’m pleased to say, I made him smile Singing Fleece Navidad Not a Perk I hit my head on the coffee pot And it left me quite confused I worry each time I use it now Cuz it makes nasty brews
— Monday, Nov. 14, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Empty Feeling I tried to start But the car would not When they asked if I knew why I said, “I gas not” Current Attractions My problems with electricity Are looming very large The reason is I broke Ohm’s Law And so I will be charged
— Tuesday, Nov. 15, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Double Letter Score A lady got a message that Quite deeply did upset her It seems the Scrabble company Sent her a threatening letter Fathom of the Opera To an underwater opera Italians all say “Viva!” They need to find a singer, though Perhaps a scuba diva?
— Wednesday, Nov. 16, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Wink, Wink My friend was injured on the job By safety glasses, see He poked his cornea with them bad It was great eyerony Astro Not An astronautical space suit Is worn by big and small Protecting from exposure to Literally, nothing at all
— Thursday, Nov. 17, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Yellow Brick Load When Dorothy got to Oz In the midst of much mayhem She looked around for money And cried, “ATM, ATM” To the Letter Perhaps he was a spelling guy Wondering what to say Whatever the reason, this guy declared “There is no ‘F’ in way”
— Friday, Nov. 18, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Taco Bull Cuisine from south of the border Deserves its share of hype So if you do not like this food Then I am nacho type Continental Rift If you like rock formations Then please remember this To practicing geologists Igneous is bliss
— Saturday, Nov. 19, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Out on a Limb After the oak tree’s performance I guess I gotta say wow It was so good that he came out And took a great big bough Roamin’ Candle I do not know the story’s source Of poor old Mr. Smith Who drank a fifth July the fourth And couldn’t go forth July the fifth
— Monday, Nov. 21, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Making Change A bunch of big pink flowers Fell out of the sky May seven The logical explanation? ‘Twas raining peonies from heaven Life Lines With respect to getting older I told my buddy, Max What you see may look like wrinkles But really, they’re just wise cracks
— Tuesday, Nov. 22, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
All Mixed Up At the entropy bar She thought they ignored her Because in that place There’s no way to order Like Dock Work The longshoreman thinks His boss is a jerk Because he gets docked When he shows up for work
— Wednesday, Nov. 23, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Hold Up Professional wrestling Is an odd sport, I’ve felt Cuz people with no pants Fight for a belt Minus Sign My fave group for now Can make lots of noise They’re called The Subtractions “Take it away boys”
— Friday, Nov. 25, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sleep on It Hyatt’s buying cheap hotels From Germany to Dover The business people say it is A big hostel takeover A Losing Preposition The grammar police are really tough I hope I pass inspections If I should fail, they’ll make me meet With officers from corrections
— Saturday, Nov. 26, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Bad Altitude My very short buddy Says he is not able Cuz he struggles to put Food on the table Well Dung The dung beetle’s breakfast Was served a la carte Consisting of only A single poop tart
— Monday, Nov. 28, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sssh The silent auction down the street Attracted quite a crowd It’s the strangest one I’ve every seen No bidding was aloud Lo-Cal Treat A snowman on the prowl one night Said, “Two is better than one” His threesome with snow ladies was Some ice queen sandwich fun
— Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Hard of Hearing One thing is true It would appear van Gogh could not Play music by ear Havana Other One When I heard this claim I almost choked They say sea gars Taste good when smoked