By Kevin Ahern
CLEARANCE SALE
A lady who buys old things
Ran out of room for more
Her problem deeply rooted
She is an antique stower
— Tuesday, Oct. 1, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES
My fiancé said a clever thing
But I don’t think she knew it
When she declared engagement
Has a nice ring to it
— Wednesday, Oct. 2, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
SCIENCE VERSE
Whether given on whiteboard
Or delivered with chalk
A glycolysis lecture
Is just a PEP talk
— Thursday, Oct. 3, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
THE VISION THING
My optometrist swindled
Many people hither and yon
Everyone in town knew him
He was a local eye con
— Friday, Oct. 4, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
BICKERING
Two squirrels got into a fight
And had a major quarrel
Indeed, it was an ugly sight
A very noisy squarrel
— Saturday, Oct. 5, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
ANIMAL HOWS
The elephant coming to my house
Will sadly not be arriving
Because, they say, along the way
He got arrested for trunk driving
— Tuesday, Oct. 8, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
LETTUCE ENJOY THIS
The garden comedian
Entertains a lot of folks
The things that get the biggest laughs
Are his artijokes
— Wednesday, Oct. 9, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
SLOW LEARNER
I’m slow at learning salsa dance
So please cut me some slack
After I take one step forward
I then take two steps back
— Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
FEELING VIOLETED
A thief got caught stealing
Purple flowers many times
The judge threw the book at him
For all his violet crimes
— Friday, Oct. 11, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
CURRENCY, SEE?
Today, I went to a deli
Because of its wonderful smells
When I tried to buy a brat with cheese
They said, “Use cash or card, like everyone else”
— Saturday, Oct. 12, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
TIGHT WAD
I’m frustrated with my shrink
And there is no denying it
He told me that I’m stingy
But sorry, I’m not buying it
— Wednesday, Oct. 16, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
NOT WHAT IT SEEMS
My wife saw me talking
To an optical illusion one night
She accused me of cheating
But I said it’s not what it looks like
— Thursday, Oct. 17, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
END OF THE LINE
It wasn’t meteors
Or hanging out in bars
What killed T. rex
Was Dino SARS
— Friday, Oct. 18, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
WEIGHT AND SEE
The Jenny Craig phone system
I really hate
After holding for an hour
They said, “Sorry for your weight”
— Saturday, Oct. 19, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
BREATHING ROOM
For lunar problems
Be aware
Things are never
"Up in the air”
— Tuesday, Oct. 22, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
TIME KEEPS MOVING ON
With my Amana oven
I have a major irk
Because its "Stop Time" button
Doesn’t ever work
— Wednesday, Oct. 23, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
DAY JOB
The German band guy
For all of his life
Wouldn’t switch from the piccolo
He said nein to fife
— Thursday, Oct. 24, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
THREE WORDS
If orthopedics
Is your vocation
Three words of advice
Dislocation, dislocation, dislocation
— Friday, Oct. 25, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
FERTILIZATION
Options for starting a family
Have doubled that’s for certain
With test tubes, it’s in vitro
Otherwise, it is in person
— Saturday, Oct. 26, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
LONE STARS
When texting in Texas
It’s important to know
People there
Remember the LMAO
— Tuesday, Oct. 29, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
FROM HERE TO MATERNITY
Nine months to some
May seem an eternity
Although to others
It’s a maternity
— Wednesday, Oct. 30, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
TIME ZONED
One day I’ll go to Greenwich
And it’ll be fine
But I’m not sure what to do
In the mean time