By Kevin Ahern
G.I Jokes The older guy got laughs for spouting This thought inside his head “Marriage is just a war where you” “And the enemy share a bed” Call the Quarter Marshall A thief took all my bills last night But left alone my dime So very odd, it seems to be A very cents-less crime
— Saturday, April 1, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Hard Liquor? I went to my doctor But don’t know what to think She said to drink more liquids But I wondered. Are there solids to drink? Unclear on the Message I have a problem with Twitter It’s a bad addiction, you see But when I told my doc about it She said she didn’t follow me
— Sunday, April 2, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Fashion Statement If the pants you bought Are not so fine Then take them back To Calvin DeKlein Numbers Game The teenage girl Is now believin’ What happened was so odd She can’t even
— Tuesday, April 4, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
All About You Unafraid of what This statement provokes I’ll say microbiologists Are cell-centered folks Blow Up Firecrackers really Can be the bomb If you happen to get one At match.com
— Wednesday, April 5, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Kong of the Jungle Tarzan knows Where he’s at Cuz he has got An ape for that “Ships Annoy” That angry pirate Prone to vent Is needing anchor Management
— Thursday, April 6, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Taken by Surprise Shoplifting is a subject to which Shoplifters Anonymous delves It is an organization that Helps people who help themselves Punctuated Relationship When two copy editors socialize If they have their druthers They’ll get a dinner, movie too And, uh comma date each other
— Friday, April 7, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Dearly Departed A major shipment disappeared At a very serious cost Police are combing the area where The truck of wigs was lost Wrong Key When the cellist’s sound Came out quite flat The conductor said, “Why in the F did you do that?
— Saturday, April 8, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
A Big Draw Being a sketch artist in a career Is not so awfully dumb I hear a very good one can Make a stick figure income See No More My pen was filled with invisible ink By a jokester as a prank Each time I tried to use it I always drew a blank
— Sunday, April 9, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Cycle Paths The pathways there beside my home Are truly hard to beat I like these sidewalks very much They keep me off the streets Robbing the Bank If times get tough, remember this Advice for which I stress When busting open piggy banks You must beat them cents-less
— Tuesday, April 11, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Untweetable My bird is sick I need expertise He’s got chirpies bad, A canarial disease Pillsbury Oh Boy In the cookie world It is the dregs That gingerbread men Have crummy legs
— Wednesday, April 12, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Peddle Pusher The breathless unicyclist I’ll let pass by Cuz he sure is “One-tired guy” Bury Interesting The funeral director With tastes most tawdry Only wants me For my body
— Thursday, April 13, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Wii Understand That little Uruguayan kid Has just expressed his aims He simply says he wants to play Montevideo games Starry Starry Light Some say van Gogh would better glow If he had had a laser Instead his only tool, you know Was just one big earaser
— Friday, April 14, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Being Flexible I’d like to do yoga every day But there is just one catch It won’t fit in my schedule Just too much of a stretch Plucked A musician died just late last night He really knew his art It’s all so sad, the rumor is The cause was a broken harp
— Saturday, April 15, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Mold Gold There is a smudge upon my wall I should clean it, but I won’t What looks a lot like mildew Turns out to be mildon’t Math Users A lot of people heard the buzz That Romans way back when Found algebra quite easy cuz X always equaled ten
— Sunday, April 16, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Just Say No The population needs to drop To solve our planet’s ills Perhaps someone should give to it Giant Earth control pills LOL I worry cuz my calendar Is looking quite bereft The days remaining in this week Are written W-T-F
— Tuesday, April 18, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Hooked on Speed The new NASCAR film It would appear Is the fuel good movie Of the year Occupational Hazard Sanitation workers Sometimes throw fits Cuz the odor they get The less they like it
— Wednesday, April 19, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Moving Experience It truly is A special skill That after dying A liar lies still Rocket Science I guess I need to lose some weight I’ll cut right to the chase I applied to be an astronaut But there wasn’t enough space
— Thursday, April 20, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Loan Arranger I love to give credit when credit’s due Much happiness it does bring But giving payment when payment’s due Is an entirely different thing Hot Stuff The glowing horse in the wild west show Is certainly very attractive I suppose the reason’s cuz he is Very rodeo active
— Friday, April 21, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
In De Nile Ancient Egyptians Were quite prolific With their writing In Cairoglyphics Under Cover My fingernail lint Has no match It’s something that I built from scratch
— Saturday, April 22, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Sit On It At Kleptomaniacs Anonymous Unless I am mistaken It seemed to me that all the seats In that place have been taken Violin Overthrow The man who stole the Stradivarius book Has committed many sins And now I’ll say about this crook He has a history of violins
— Sunday, April 23, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Wound Up My Apple watch, a lot of fun I’d say it’s really slick So far ahead of other ones Truly future wrist tick Swine Decanter The soft drink maker says that it Is raising up its quota And now will make a drink from pigs They call it bacon soda
— Tuesday, April 25, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Tiger Wouldn’t I slice, I shank, I find sand traps And swat things in the tree My partners on the course declare It takes lots of balls to golf like me Hard Times I’m conflicted selling music stuff My money needs - acute I love my old stringed instrument And I really need the lute
— Wednesday, April 26, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Blow Out Sale Where the meteor hit It left a big trail And I want to see it In crater detail Truss Me My tuba’s too big That’s what I found Cuz I got a hornia Carrying it around
— Thursday, April 27, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Digital Do The golden rule of netiquette Needs to be repeated It’s important to tweet others As you’d like to be tweeted Nome Ore An Alaskan bird got lost And now won’t get to mate All because it couldn’t Keep its Bering’s Strait
— Friday, April 28, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Flower Power Hawaiian unemployment Is high, please don’t scoff Because a lot of people Have gotten lei’d off 21? The king of diamonds felt depressed His feelings disregarded And so he traveled to a bar Where naturally, he got carded
— Saturday, April 29, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Laid Back I only wanted one stretcher But bought three of them today I do not have a reason I just got carried away Interesting I wrote a verse about my debt Last evening as I drank The title for it has been set It’s called “Ode to my Bank”