By Kevin Ahern
G.I Jokes
The older guy got laughs for spouting
This thought inside his head
“Marriage is just a war where you”
“And the enemy share a bed”

Call the Quarter Marshall
A thief took all my bills last night
But left alone my dime
So very odd, it seems to be
A very cents-less crime
Saturday, April 1, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Hard Liquor?
I went to my doctor
But don’t know what to think
She said to drink more liquids
But I wondered.  Are there solids to drink?

Unclear on the Message
I have a problem with Twitter
It’s a bad addiction, you see
But when I told my doc about it
She said she didn’t follow me
Sunday, April 2, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Fashion Statement
If the pants you bought
Are not so fine
Then take them back
To Calvin DeKlein

Numbers Game
The teenage girl
Is now believin’
What happened was so odd
She can’t even
Tuesday, April 4, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
All About You
Unafraid of what
This statement provokes
I’ll say microbiologists
Are cell-centered folks

Blow Up
Firecrackers really
Can be the bomb
If you happen to get one
Wednesday, April 5, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Kong of the Jungle
Tarzan knows
Where he’s at
Cuz he has got
An ape for that

“Ships Annoy”
That angry pirate
Prone to vent
Is needing anchor
Thursday, April 6, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Taken by Surprise
Shoplifting is a subject to which
Shoplifters Anonymous delves
It is an organization that
Helps people who help themselves

Punctuated Relationship
When two copy editors socialize
If they have their druthers
They’ll get a dinner, movie too
And, uh comma date each other
Friday, April 7, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Dearly Departed
A major shipment disappeared 
At a very serious cost
Police are combing the area where
The truck of wigs was lost

Wrong Key
When the cellist’s sound
Came out quite flat
The conductor said,
“Why in the F did you do that?
Saturday, April 8, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
A Big Draw
Being a sketch artist in a career
Is not so awfully dumb
I hear a very good one can
Make a stick figure income

See No More
My pen was filled with invisible ink
By a jokester as a prank
Each time I tried to use it
I always drew a blank
Sunday, April 9, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Cycle Paths
The pathways there beside my home
Are truly hard to beat
I like these sidewalks very much
They keep me off the streets

Robbing the Bank
If times get tough, remember this
Advice for which I stress
When busting open piggy banks
You must beat them cents-less
Tuesday, April 11, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
My bird is sick
I need expertise
He’s got chirpies bad,
A canarial disease

Pillsbury Oh Boy
In the cookie world
It is the dregs
That gingerbread men
Have crummy legs
Wednesday, April 12, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Peddle Pusher
The breathless unicyclist
I’ll let pass by
Cuz he sure is
“One-tired guy”

Bury Interesting
The funeral director
With tastes most tawdry
Only wants me
For my body
Thursday, April 13, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Wii Understand
That little Uruguayan kid
Has just expressed his aims
He simply says he wants to play
Montevideo games

Starry Starry Light
Some say van Gogh would better glow
If he had had a laser
Instead his only tool, you know
Was just one big earaser
Friday, April 14, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Being Flexible
I’d like to do yoga every day
But there is just one catch
It won’t fit in my schedule
Just too much of a stretch

A musician died just late last night
He really knew his art
It’s all so sad, the rumor is
The cause was a broken harp
Saturday, April 15, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Mold Gold
There is a smudge upon my wall
I should clean it, but I won’t
What looks a lot like mildew
Turns out to be mildon’t

Math Users
A lot of people heard the buzz
That Romans way back when
Found algebra quite easy cuz
X always equaled ten 
Sunday, April 16, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Just Say No
The population needs to drop
To solve our planet’s ills
Perhaps someone should give to it
Giant Earth control pills

I worry cuz my calendar
Is looking quite bereft
The days remaining in this week
Are written W-T-F
Tuesday, April 18, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Hooked on Speed
The new NASCAR film
It would appear
Is the fuel good movie
Of the year

Occupational Hazard
Sanitation workers
Sometimes throw fits
Cuz the odor they get
The less they like it
Wednesday, April 19, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Moving Experience
It truly is
A special skill
That after dying
A liar lies still

Rocket Science
I guess I need to lose some weight
I’ll cut right to the chase
I applied to be an astronaut
But there wasn’t enough space
Thursday, April 20, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Loan Arranger
I love to give credit when credit’s due
Much happiness it does bring
But giving payment when payment’s due
Is an entirely different thing

Hot Stuff
The glowing horse in the wild west show
Is certainly very attractive
I suppose the reason’s cuz he is
Very rodeo active
Friday, April 21, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
In De Nile
Ancient Egyptians
Were quite prolific
With their writing 
In Cairoglyphics

Under Cover
My fingernail lint
Has no match
It’s something that
I built from scratch
Saturday, April 22, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Sit On It
At Kleptomaniacs Anonymous
Unless I am mistaken
It seemed to me that all the seats
In that place have been taken

Violin Overthrow
The man who stole the Stradivarius book
Has committed many sins
And now I’ll say about this crook
He has a history of violins
Sunday, April 23, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Wound Up
My Apple watch, a lot of fun
I’d say it’s really slick
So far ahead of other ones
Truly future wrist tick

Swine Decanter
The soft drink maker says that it
Is raising up its quota
And now will make a drink from pigs
They call it bacon soda
Tuesday, April 25, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Tiger Wouldn’t
I slice, I shank, I find sand traps
And swat things in the tree
My partners on the course declare
It takes lots of balls to golf like me

Hard Times
I’m conflicted selling music stuff
My money needs - acute
I love my old stringed instrument
And I really need the lute
Wednesday, April 26, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Blow Out Sale
Where the meteor hit
It left a big trail
And I want to see it
In crater detail

Truss Me
My tuba’s too big
That’s what I found
Cuz I got a hornia
Carrying it around
Thursday, April 27, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Digital Do
The golden rule of netiquette
Needs to be repeated
It’s important to tweet others
As you’d like to be tweeted

Nome Ore
An Alaskan bird got lost
And now won’t get to mate
All because it couldn’t
Keep its Bering’s Strait
Friday, April 28, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Flower Power
Hawaiian unemployment
Is high, please don’t scoff
Because a lot of people
Have gotten lei’d off

The king of diamonds felt depressed
His feelings disregarded
And so he traveled to a bar
Where naturally, he got carded
Saturday, April 29, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Laid Back
I only wanted one stretcher
But bought three of them today
I do not have a reason
I just got carried away

I wrote a verse about my debt
Last evening as I drank
The title for it has been set
It’s called “Ode to my Bank”
Sunday, April 30, 2023