By Kevin Ahern
WAISTED
Here’s a two word joke
Please don’t whine
My waist
That’s the paunchline
— Tuesday, Sept. 3, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
LIKE A ROLLING STONE
I just made a French roll
With surprising ease
All I had to do was
Push him down the Pyrenees
— Wednesday, Sept. 4, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
FISHY
I wanted some sushi
It’s my kind of meal
But the price, too expensive
Such a raw deal
— Thursday, Sept. 5, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
BE A STRANGER
My visitor’s visit was numbing
It’s why I’m saying
That his shortcoming
Was his longstaying
— Friday, Sept. 6, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
FINDING THE PATH
My hobby is solving labyrinths
It’s what I love to do
The key is working speedily
Taking only a minotaur two
— Saturday, Sept. 7, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
AS A PANCAKE
The Astronomy Club went drinking
And lost all their sobriety
Then sat around and created
The Flat Mars Society
— Tuesday, Sept. 10, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
BRANCHING OUT
The tree surgeon did a wonderful job
Trimming my tree just now
In fact, he is so proud of it
That he’s out taking a bough
— Wednesday, Sept. 11, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
KEEPS TO HIMSELF
About a chef I wrote a book
The title gets some talk
It’s all about his stinginess
“You’ll Never Loan a Wok”
— Thursday, Sept. 12, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
NODDING OFF
Captain Ahab sought Moby Dick
Many wakeful nights without fail
And when he finally found him
He fell asleep at the whale
— Friday, Sept. 13, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
PROPER GRAMMAR
My English teacher has an owl
She taught it, I presume
Because it sits around at night
Going “Whom, Whom”
— Saturday, Sept. 14, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
SUBORDINATES
The English Department
Mourned its losses
Noting their colleagues
Who died of natural clauses
— Wednesday, Sept. 18, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
DEAD END
My dead end street
Has Moonies at the back
And that is why I call it
A cult de sac
— Thursday, Sept. 19, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
ON THE RUN
My sinuses are awful
It’s very plain to see
A plot’s been hatched unlawful
Mucosa Nostra’s after me
— Friday, Sept. 20, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
SMALL WONDER
The short person to the boss
Raised a big commotion
Because it seems that once again
He was overlooked for promotion
— Saturday, Sept. 21, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
A TURN FOR THE WURST
At the sausage, the German kid scowled
Declaring, “I won’t eat that”
The mother shook her head and said,
“That’s a spoiled brat”
— Tuesday, Sept. 24, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
WHO'S THE FAIREST?
She’s in love with her mirror
A relationship without end
But with a problem -
It only wants to be friends
— Wednesday, Sept. 25, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
HARD OF EARING
Vincent van Gogh
It would appear
Shortened his life
By one ear
— Thursday, Sept. 26, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
SPARE PARTS
When my clone has hair that’s dirty
It knows just what to do
Taking time to wash it
With extra body shampoo
— Friday, Sept. 27, 2024
By Kevin Ahern
YOU KNOW WHO
Each time he opens up his mouth
It really makes me wince
I wish he’d speak what’s on his mind
So we could have some silence