By Kevin Ahern
Apartments When they named the living units I don’t know what they spent But I have to wonder if they knew Exactly what apart meant Trying Harder If you ever feel you don’t get The credit owed to you Remember the most popular pencil Is always number two
— Friday, July 1, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Conundrum When I said my girlfriend Couldn’t be alone with me She said, “Why not?” So I told her to think logically Undertaker His hobby’s an odd one And most absurd Burying innocent ideas Under mountains of words
— Saturday, July 2, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Go Forth and Multiply Adam and Eve’s children Were born in the summer - all And there’s a very good reason Autumn is when the leaves fall Incomplete My love of writing Is undiminished Despite a lot of Verses unfinished
— Monday, July 4, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Car Talk I like my cars quite fancy But cannot get my fill The Porsche was most expensive My favorite automobill Thinking Mink Mink wraps As it were Are things some people Like shopping fur
— Tuesday, July 5, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sheepless in Seattle If Little Bo Peep still had her sheep We wouldn’t know her name Which teaches us incompetence Can be a path to fame Fat Food For people craving ‘fast food’ It’s best to do with less They really should rename it, though And take away the ’s’
— Wednesday, July 6, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Opposite Day He signed up for instant credit And thought that he was set But sadly soon discovered What he got was instant debt Timely Advice Time’s a very odd thing, My friend The more that you accumulate The less you have to spend
— Thursday, July 7, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Nutritional Advice The advice I got from my doctor Left me in an awful mood A new dietary restriction Food Space Case My spacebar’sworking randomly Itmakesmewant toshout Cuzwordsare easiertoread All s p a c e d out
— Friday, July 8, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Superheroes The Tae Kwon Do superhero Is very, very quick But I think that this guy should go And find a good sidekick Exer Sighs My fat I try to burn, it’s true But as they say down South The only exercise I do Is fitness pizza in my mouth
— Saturday, July 9, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Pretty as a Pitcher Is happy hour about to end? My buddy likely knows I think it is the reason why He’s clutching there at Stroh’s Spinal Cracker A chiropractor starts each day With healing hands a-smacking And then greets all the patients with “All right folks, let’s get cracking”
— Sunday, July 10, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Vader Hater When Skywalker’s back was hurting It was not tendonitis Instead the doctor said he had A bad case of Darthritis No ROM for More I told my computer teacher That it was just last night The dog ate all my homework In just a couple bytes
— Monday, July 11, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Van White I bought a Honda minivan It is a bunch of fun Has everything I wanted You Odyssey it run Kent Lucky Superman and his gal pal Solely of their own volition Just went out and had themselves A Lois and Clark expedition
— Tuesday, July 12, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Diss Engagement Though he may have a license A wedding he dismisses Cuz a bachelor is a hunter Who simply never Mrs. Self Medication The Acupuncture Help line Is at it again It requires you to login And enter a PIN
— Wednesday July 13, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Going in Circles The Russians aimed way out in space To make an orbit portal They used it quite a while, but now It’s no place for Mir mortals I Saw Herbivore A good cook knows that vegetables Sometimes cannot be beat Especially for those times when you Cannot make both ends meat
— Thursday, July 14, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Weise Guy At Anheuser-Busch, the quality control Is a guy who likes his suds And in his job description It simply says, “Taste Buds” Drive In Moving When spring break comes All revelers should ponder That when it comes to accidents A hearse is the last responder
— Friday, July 15, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Glazed Eyes The cop likes solving mysteries That is the scuttlebutt It seems he has a history Of asking “Who donut?” Lip Schtick I gotta admit I took a look “Ventriloquism for Dummies” Is a confusing book
— Saturday, July 16, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Ouch Steve Irwin wore sunblock Even on cloudy days Unfortunately it didn’t protect him, though From very harmful rays Offline The fireplace video, I cannot watch I note with much chagrin I’m just not sure what can be done Perhaps I should log in?
— Sunday, July 17, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Text Riles Printouts were not As they had appeared On my word processor Microsoft Weird White Flag I’m really bad at sports And now I will repeat I’d even have a hard time Beating a hasty retreat
— Monday, July 18, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Caws Effect There is no need To be a brainiac To know a crazy crow Is a raven maniac Getting High Pilots always Stick together And rarely are Under the weather
— Tuesday, July 19, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Dial Tone Deaf Apple in Scotland’s Worried of clones Cuz people there Have aye phones A Colonel of Truth Their chicken’s good I can’t resist KFC’s on My bucket list
— Wednesday, July 20, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
The British Will Be Arriving Soon The patriot Paul upon his horse Alerted people plenty I think it is the reason why He was revered by many Pod Cast My scientific article On whales has been impeded The journal called it incomplete There were cetaceans needed
— Thursday, July 21, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Hobbit Forming Alexander Graham Bell Of his praises Tolkien sings Because it’s safe to say that he Was the real Lord of the Rings Punctuated Crime Spree A semicolon broke the law It’ll learn what repentance is Cuz a judge just sentenced him to serve Two consecutive sentences
— Friday, July 22, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Neuronic My girlfriend sure Has lovely curves But like a myelin sheath She gets on my nerves Long Sentence My grammar, it seems, is rather poor I mess up with who, what, and when My verbs are wrong. My sentences long. So I goof up noun then
— Saturday, July 23, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Crusty Fellow The creator of Domino’s has died The cause remains a mystery No matter, though, it’s over now And he’s a pizza history Sole Man A Frenchman invented sandals And sold them in his shop I think you might have heard of him He was known as Philippe Philoppe
— Monday, July 25, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
The Plot Thickens The math department’s new design Is tasteful and it’s meaty The walls are simply covered in A bunch of their graph-iti Write Away The Writer’s Guild needs writers And you can work at home The motto at their headquarters Is “Come in and make yourself a tome”
— Tuesday, July 26, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
No Gifts, Please My memory is really bad Just why, I cannot say I give myself a surprise party Almost every day Going Postal The postal worker’s work Is suddenly much better Because she knows that she can do Whatever the boss will letter
— Wednesday, July 27, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Gud Speler I was good at spelling bees in school But it was quite absurd That I would have such trouble Spelling other words Wrong is Right Those ladies there in Asian dress Upon the steps bedevil Cuz when I see them, I just think It’s sarong on many levels
— Friday, July 29, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Easy Rider The new shocks that Your car’s displaying Are really great It goes without swaying Counter Fits The drug user’s cocaine Was clearly faked Turned out, it was flour And he got baked