By Kevin Ahern
Apartments
When they named the living units
I don’t know what they spent
But I have to wonder if they knew
Exactly what apart meant

Trying Harder
If you ever feel you don’t get
The credit owed to you
Remember the most popular pencil
Is always number two
Friday, July 1, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Conundrum
When I said my girlfriend
Couldn’t be alone with me
She said, “Why not?”
So I told her to think logically

Undertaker
His hobby’s an odd one
And most absurd
Burying innocent ideas
Under mountains of words
Saturday, July 2, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Go Forth and Multiply
Adam and Eve’s children
Were born in the summer - all
And there’s a very good reason
Autumn is when the leaves fall

Incomplete
My love of writing
Is undiminished
Despite a lot of
Verses unfinished
Monday, July 4, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Car Talk
I like my cars quite fancy
But cannot get my fill
The Porsche was most expensive
My favorite automobill

Thinking Mink
Mink wraps
As it were
Are things some people
Like shopping fur
Tuesday, July 5, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Sheepless in Seattle
If Little Bo Peep still had her sheep
We wouldn’t know her name
Which teaches us incompetence
Can be a path to fame

Fat Food
For people craving ‘fast food’
It’s best to do with less
They really should rename it, though
And take away the ’s’
Wednesday, July 6, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Opposite Day
He signed up for instant credit
And thought that he was set
But sadly soon discovered
What he got was instant debt

Timely Advice
Time’s a very odd thing,
My friend
The more that you accumulate
The less you have to spend
Thursday, July 7, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Nutritional Advice
The advice I got from my doctor
Left me in an awful mood
A new dietary restriction
Food

Space Case
My spacebar’sworking randomly
Itmakesmewant toshout
Cuzwordsare easiertoread
All s  p  a  c  e  d out
Friday, July 8, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Superheroes
The Tae Kwon Do superhero
Is very, very quick
But I think that this guy should go
And find a good sidekick

Exer Sighs
My fat I try to burn, it’s true
But as they say down South
The only exercise I do
Is fitness pizza in my mouth
Saturday, July 9, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Pretty as a Pitcher
Is happy hour about to end?
My buddy likely knows
I think it is the reason why
He’s clutching there at Stroh’s

Spinal Cracker
A chiropractor starts each day
With healing hands a-smacking
And then greets all the patients with
“All right folks, let’s get cracking”
Sunday, July 10, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Vader Hater
When Skywalker’s back was hurting
It was not tendonitis
Instead the doctor said he had 
A bad case of Darthritis

No ROM for More
I told my computer teacher
That it was just last night
The dog ate all my homework
In just a couple bytes
Monday, July 11, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Van White
I bought a Honda minivan
It is a bunch of fun
Has everything I wanted
You Odyssey it run

Kent Lucky
Superman and his gal pal
Solely of their own volition
Just went out and had themselves
A Lois and Clark expedition
Tuesday, July 12, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Diss Engagement
Though he may have a license
A wedding he dismisses
Cuz a bachelor is a hunter
Who simply never Mrs.

Self Medication
The Acupuncture Help line
Is at it again
It requires you to login
And enter a PIN
Wednesday July 13, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Going in Circles
The Russians aimed way out in space
To make an orbit portal
They used it quite a while, but now
It’s no place for Mir mortals

I Saw Herbivore
A good cook knows that vegetables
Sometimes cannot be beat
Especially for those times when you 
Cannot make both ends meat
Thursday, July 14, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Weise Guy
At Anheuser-Busch, the quality control
Is a guy who likes his suds
And in his job description
It simply says, “Taste Buds”

Drive In Moving
When spring break comes
All revelers should ponder
That when it comes to accidents
A hearse is the last responder
Friday, July 15, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Glazed Eyes
The cop likes solving mysteries
That is the scuttlebutt
It seems he has a history
Of asking “Who donut?”

Lip Schtick
I gotta admit
I took a look
“Ventriloquism for Dummies”
Is a confusing book
Saturday, July 16, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Ouch
Steve Irwin wore sunblock
Even on cloudy days
Unfortunately it didn’t protect him, though
From very harmful rays

Offline
The fireplace video, I cannot watch
I note with much chagrin
I’m just not sure what can be done
Perhaps I should log in?
Sunday, July 17, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Text Riles
Printouts were not
As they had appeared
On my word processor
Microsoft Weird

White Flag
I’m really bad at sports
And now I will repeat
I’d even have a hard time
Beating a hasty retreat
Monday, July 18, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Caws Effect
There is no need 
To be a brainiac
To know a crazy crow
Is a raven maniac

Getting High
Pilots always
Stick together
And rarely are
Under the weather
Tuesday, July 19, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Dial Tone Deaf
Apple in Scotland’s
Worried of clones
Cuz people there
Have aye phones

A Colonel of Truth
Their chicken’s good
I can’t resist
KFC’s on
My bucket list 
Wednesday, July 20, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
The British Will Be Arriving Soon
The patriot Paul upon his horse
Alerted people plenty
I think it is the reason why
He was revered by many

Pod Cast
My scientific article
On whales has been impeded
The journal called it incomplete
There were cetaceans needed
Thursday, July 21, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Hobbit Forming
Alexander Graham Bell
Of his praises Tolkien sings
Because it’s safe to say that he
Was the real Lord of the Rings

Punctuated Crime Spree
A semicolon broke the law
It’ll learn what repentance is
Cuz a judge just sentenced him to serve
Two consecutive sentences
Friday, July 22, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Neuronic
My girlfriend sure
Has lovely curves
But like a myelin sheath
She gets on my nerves

Long Sentence
My grammar, it seems, is rather poor
I mess up with who, what, and when
My verbs are wrong. My sentences long.
So I goof up noun then
Saturday, July 23, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Crusty Fellow
The creator of Domino’s has died
The cause remains a mystery
No matter, though, it’s over now
And he’s a pizza history

Sole Man
A Frenchman invented sandals
And sold them in his shop
I think you might have heard of him
He was known as Philippe Philoppe
Monday, July 25, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
The Plot Thickens
The math department’s new design
Is tasteful and it’s meaty
The walls are simply covered in
A bunch of their graph-iti

Write Away
The Writer’s Guild needs writers
And you can work at home
The motto at their headquarters
Is “Come in and make yourself a tome”
Tuesday, July 26, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
No Gifts, Please
My memory is really bad
Just why, I cannot say
I give myself a surprise party
Almost every day 

Going Postal
The postal worker’s work
Is suddenly much better
Because she knows that she can do
Whatever the boss will letter
Wednesday, July 27, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Gud Speler
I was good at spelling bees in school
But it was quite absurd
That I would have such trouble
Spelling other words

Wrong is Right
Those ladies there in Asian dress
Upon the steps bedevil
Cuz when I see them, I just think
It’s sarong on many levels
Friday, July 29, 2022
By Kevin Ahern
Easy Rider
The new shocks that
Your car’s displaying
Are really great
It goes without swaying

Counter Fits
The drug user’s cocaine
Was clearly faked
Turned out, it was flour
And he got baked
Sunday, July 31, 2022