By Kevin Ahern
Sounds Off When I lost my audiobook My spouse had a fit Now I will never Hear the end of it Quorum Sense I think that it Is worth repeating When bacteria Zoom It’s for a Staph meeting
— Wednesday, Feb. 1, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Quack Tarred and feathered once again That guy’s the joke of town It’s happened now so many times That he has just worn down Cold Shoulder The snowman they call Frosty Is grinning with delight Because he has a girlfriend It was love at frostbite
— Friday, Feb. 3, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Space Case An astronaut wasn’t very good And everyone knew ’twas the case When he was at the space station All he did was take up space Dessert Hurt I ate dessert, but shouldn’t have And now I lie awake I guess I should have known because It was a stomach cake
— Saturday, Feb. 4, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Unbalanced Act The Russian acrobat pyramid team From competing has withdrawn It seems they have a problem cuz They don’t have Oleg to stand on Sore Spot I dropped a six pack on my foot But that’s not the worst of the news Because the place it landed on Is covered now with brews
— Sunday, Feb. 5, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
To Your Health In Holland, “Bottoms up” Means more than just good cheer In fact, the loose translation is “Your Heineken drink Dutch beer” Unbalanced Beaming A gymnast got arrested For breaking into cars For ten years she was sentenced Behind parallel bars
— Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Waiting Game The clerk at Legoland Is off the clock So customers now Are lined up for blocks Winnabuygo A motor home Is really great An investment in Wheel estate
— Wednesday, Feb. 8, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Root Cause The message from top management Was a most confusing one “We need a lot more meetings” “On why work’s not getting done” Virtual Wii-ality A kid on his computer In the middle of gay Paree Was asked if he liked video games And he responded, “Wii”
— Thursday, Feb. 9, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Cover-up The bill for my fake hair Somehow got missed But now it’s on My “To-pay” list University Avenue Everyone who has A Louisiana zip code Knows the way to campus Is a Tulane road
— Friday, Feb. 10, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Slow Cooker Just one thing that Will make me happy Turtle soup And make it snappy Been There, Done That I went to China Twice I flew The second time Was Asia Vu
— Saturday, Feb. 11, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Seein’ Green Avocados on your nose can Give a fine aroma But if you put them on your eyes You’ll end up with guacoma A Rosé by Any Other Name A one horned animal and a sot Is that big snorting rhino When he’s unhappy, it’s accurate To say that he’s a whino
— Sunday, Feb. 12, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
If Only They Cud Cow inspectors It would appear Really have A check herd career Wetness to the Crime I had a bad accident Don’t know what to do My car’s in the water It’s a Scubaru
— Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
On the One Hand The Ambidextrous Society Is growing every night Because of all the people Joining left and right Timber! When it comes to lighting fires Pinocchio has one rule He doesn’t want to be involved Cuz he’s nobody’s fuel
— Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Pedal Pusher A psychiatrist pedaling backwards Abuses bike technology Perhaps he thinks he’ll get his way By using reverse cycology Nuns of the Above A trio of nuns are lawyers And the public is in awe With the name they gave their practice The Three Sisters in Law
— Thursday, Feb. 16, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Pinot More Your valentine wants something new She’s got it in her head To make her happy, no flowers this year Why not liquor instead? Less Filling A bartender served up a firefly In response to an order one night The customer protested as the bartender said “I thought you wanted a ButtLight”
— Friday, Feb. 17, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Extending Curdesy Swiss cheese can be made With great expedience Remember when creating it To use holesome ingredients MD Headed Oh isn’t it ironic how A surgeon can amass All the knowledge they require Simply from cutting class
— Saturday, Feb. 18, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Looks are Deceiving “I see an optical illusion” I told my friend today Turns out it really wasn’t It simply looked that way Going in Circles The Russians aimed way out in space To make an orbit portal They used it quite a while, but now It’s no place for Mir mortals
— Sunday, Feb. 19, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Making the Grade When giving a magician a test I’ll make just one suggestion You’ll cause a very great distress If you give just one trick question Uplifting “Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous” “I’m very happy to say” “Looking out across this crowd” “I see many new faces today”
— Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
No Crater Good A Chinese astronaut Very soon May take a wok up On the moon La Beau Hmmm For an opera singer I once dug On her birthday I gave An aria rug
— Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Old Ages My history teacher Goes on and on Why does she Babylon? Supply-Side Economics When Swedes fill up A winter home They suffer from Stock home syndrome
— Thursday, Feb. 23, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
iOpener Safari is my favorite app For Web sites at my house The functions in this version though Are raising some iBrowse Pix Fix A cameraman from long ago Would puff upon his pipe And skulk around the town a lot A cloak and daguerrotype
— Friday, Feb. 24, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Tickling Fancies Those girls are stuck up with a yen For things all hoochie-coochie How do the rich guys tickle them? Gucci, Gucci, Gucci Fancy Footwork The patrons of that bar are gruff There is some major swaggering The group thinks it is very tough The number sure is staggering
— Saturday, Feb. 25, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Snow Big Deal The Inuits really Are party makers Perhaps it’s cuz They’re good icebreakers Hard Lesson The driveway gave me Some gestault When I skinned a knee My dumb asphalt
— Sunday, Feb. 26, 2023
By Kevin Ahern
Before It Melts A big ice cream van had a wreck Its contents hard and soft To ease congestion at the site The area was coned off Schrodinger’s Vacuums I have two vacuum cleaners One’s working collecting dust The other one isn’t working And also collecting dust